Senior students

@ St Elizabeth's Primary School

vickiash

June26

4AP ‘Snow Falling’ and ‘Grazed Knee’

Learning Intention: use a picture prompt to write a descriptive text.

4AP were given two images to use to inspire them to write a ‘powerful paragraph’.

We used Lane Clark’s AuthorThink process to get our work ready to publish. This included getting feedback from peers, their teacher and self editing. We then published our work in a class book and are now publishing online.

Descriptions about the following image of falling snow can be found at http://56steps.global2.vic.edu.au/english/4va/

 animated falling snow photo: falling snow tree 27488-snow-falling-animated-wallpap.gif
Description about the following image of falling a grazed knee can be found at http://56steps.global2.vic.edu.au/english/4mp/
 

We would like to ask readers to give us some feedback!

Preferably two pieces of warm feedback (what they did well) and one piece of cool feedback (what could they do to further improve it in regards to the learning intention).

For example,

I like the way you tried to use very specific and sophisticated descriptive words like ’serene’ instead of a more general descriptive word like ‘quiet’. You also used figurative language reall well to help describe the movement of the snow and it helped me visualise what it looked like.

You could have improved your paragraph further by focusing even more on the description of what you could and less on the story and what was happening.

 

by posted under Uncategorized | 2 Comments »    
2 Comments to

“vickiash”

  1. June 17th, 2013 at 5:54 pm      Reply Jonathan Says:

    Dear Miss Ash,
    For the grazed leg story you put the same link as the snowy day .
    Isn’t there ment to be one for 4VA and 4MP.
    From Jonathan


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